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| September? wow that was a long time ago. today I drove myself over to a field in Mountainbrook for some good old fashioned therapy. the grass was cool, moist, plush, and my cleats sank into the field like a spoon into pudding. i like pudding. i like the feel of my cleats sinking into the grass even better. then the ball touched my feet. then i really felt peace for the first time in a long time. then i smiled, and now a chapter of my life is finally over. what chapter? well, get ready to laugh at me (most of you at least). some of you will understand. Honestly, and somewhat ridiculously, it's taken me 9 months to come to terms with the end of high school soccer. I guess it's hard to leave something you love, especially when you love it as much as i did. For the last nine months i've spontaneously erupted into sweating fits, increased heart rate, nervousness, anxiety, i've lost sleep, and i've been grieving. i've been grieving for the end of the fun, the end of the comradery, and losing a final that i wanted to win more than i've wanted anything else (except for one thing) in my life. somewhat dramatic? maybe. but anything that's important to anyone is going to be dramatic. some of us are devoted to school. some of us to people. some of us to music. some of us to God. some of us to several of these things. these things we love, things we devote our time and effort to, they have a deep connection to who we are. well, this simple game with a ball and a goal is more than just a game to me. it's a part of who i am. i'm tired of telling myself that it's not a part of me. that it's not important to me. that i'm just not good enough to claim a part in it just because for one game my best didn't get it done. that's all a bunch of crap. i haven't been living in the past, by any means. I have, however, wanted another chance. For some reason, I just wasn't satisfied with what i had had the joy of experiencing. So, now, 9 months later, I can say this and truly mean it: the game goes on. life goes on. and i'm going with it. feel free to join me. tobias | | |
| so... it's 11:40, i have about two paragraphs of a paper written. when is this paper due? that's right...8 am tomorrow. yes my friends, this is college. i'm lovin it. but besides that, i thought i might update you people as to what's been going on. if for no other reason, so that i can read this later and think "i'm an idiot." so here goes... I'm majoring in Athletic Training. absolutely awesome. I get started working with one of the teams sometime in the next few days i think. i'm so pumped. absolutely wild about it. so that's good. classes, not bad. i have a health/fitness class that's actually not bad...probably because it's my only source of exercise...but wait! how is this toby's only source of exercise? what happened to constant soccer??? it died. that's the short version. the long version: it helps to know about tryouts sooner than the night before. you'd be surprised how much mental readiness makes a difference. if i had been the coach, i would have cut me. yes, i really was that bad. it helped that i hadn't touched a ball since tourney. no worries though, there's next year and intramurals in the spring. not too bummed about it. ok so i am. but not because i got cut. bummed because i have no other way to play. i swear i'm in withdrawal. i shake constantly. not cool. if the shape game were tomorrow, i'd kill them all in the first five minutes. that's how much energy has built up in my flimsy frame. scary. but life is going fairly well here. obviously i miss people. miss bfa? no. miss the people that made bfa home? heck yes. joel, joseph, choi, jori, pentecost, thornton, ukety, billy, josh lee, tim lee, armstrong, and too many others to list without having to break something. so i'll sum it up: trusting that God really does have plans to prosper and not to harm, i move on, remembering where i've come from. i've left home, yet again, searching for a place to start over once more. let's hope i find it soon. sincerely hope you all have discovered, or re-discovered, a place you call home. you are welcome in mine at any time, wherever that may be. paz y amor tobias | | |
| any donations toward the "send toby to australia" fund would be greatly appreciated. as an incentive, generous benefactors will receive 3 eprops. that's right. not one, not two, three. so bust out those checkbooks people.
tobias | | |
| one week. four days. twelve hours. roughly fifty-one minutes.
could time move any slower?
paz y amor
tobias | | |
| so i'm no longer a high school student. don't really know what else to say about that part of last week. but here's a warning to next year's seniors...don't keep yourself up all night, make yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, and then expect to be able to hold yourself together at 7 am. it just won't happen. that said, i think you can pretty much gather what happened.
last year i wrote a little "tribute", shall we call it, to the graduating class. this year i have no such tribute, seeing as words weren't nearly enough for last year's class, so how could they possibly even begin to be enough this time around.
so i'll just restate what i've already told all of you. thanks for making these two years of living in the most random place i could think of an absolute blast. thanks for laughing with me, thanks for whining with me (a lot), thanks for playing soccer with me, and thanks for the friendship. best of luck to all ya'll.
paz y amor
tobias | | |
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